Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Facebook to my life - NO

Facebook in the hands of adults is a dangerous weapon. Two of my Uncles added me recently; after frantically deleting photos of myself hanging off a bar somewhere in downtown Aiya Napa, I accepted. Then my mother added me. So I deleted a couple more photos where I’m frolicking around in my underwear at night on a beach somewhere in Croatia.
Then my grandmother added me.

Ah now, lads.
How do I get out of this one??

Photos are bad enough but you can’t control comments on your page, and the next time Granny sits down with her cup of tea to check on her little angel expecting an update along the lines of, “Kar just got an A on that essay and is off to write the next one, three weeks early!”, what she’s going to find instead is a comment from Friend saying something like, “u make it home last night?! Cudnt find u after that tenth tequila lolz! and i hav ur shoes in case u dnt remember throwin them in the air double lolz!!! Later biatch, dnt do nythin i wudnt do! lol lol lol! xxxx!!”

So this was when I discovered ... privacy control. As well as being able to set your profile to ‘Everyone can see’ or private, you can create lists to specifically block certain people from certain things. JACKPOT. So now I don’t have to reject granny’s friend request and break her fragile heart, nor do I have to delete those photos of a half naked me attempting to steal a boat somewhere off a tiny island last summer.

There’s just something not right about adults in charge being on Facebook. Brother told me recently that a couple of his teachers had added him ... in light of the recent kiddy fiddling priest scandals, I would question that. It’s like that Vodafone fella from the add who wants to, ‘dress every tot, toddler, tween and teen’ ...Seriously??

It’s not like they’re using it to ‘reconnect’ – come on, parents don’t have friends. And if they do, they use that auld thing, the tel-e-phone. For, like, actual conversations. If yer ma and da add you, it’s to keep tabs on you – fact. If your teachers add you, assuming it isn’t for questionable reasons, it’s to look ‘hip’. I suspect they imagine the next morning’s conversations going something along the lines of:

‘Hey Mr. Johnson, I see you added me on Facebook!’
‘That’s right, little Timmy, now we can be friends outside of school!’
‘Wow Mr. Johnson, you sure are cool!’
‘Oh totes ma goats, little Timmy, I deffo know how to have the lolz!’

When in fact, the conversation will be more like:

‘Hey Mr. Johnson, I see you added me on Facebook!’
‘That’s right, little Timmy, now we can be friends outside of school!’
‘Well it won’t be long before we’re not even friends in school, Mr. Johnson, I told my mam and she called the principal who called the police and you’re going to be arrested any second now for being a creepy weirdo kiddy fiddler.”

To sum up, if you ever find yourself in a situation where this http://facebookfails.com/2009/09/22/mom-likes-this/ is possible, you need to delete your parents from Facebook. And find a shrink to erase the nightmares that are sure to follow.

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