Friday, August 6, 2010

Welcome home ... wait! I don't want to be here, there's some strange water falling from the sky! Rain...? What's that??

I have returned, much lighter in purse and definitely heavier in weight (late night pizza and Reece’s Cups will do that to you). In my short but sweet week, I crammed quite an impressive amount in; Times Square, the Empire State Building, the Chrysler Building, New York Library, Rockefeller Centre, Grand Central, Washington Square Park, Bryant Park, Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Modern Museum of Art, Little Italy, SoHo, Greenwich, Central Park, the Bronx Zoo, Columbia, NYU ... ah jaysus, the list goes on. Not to mention the shopping. And drinking ... a litre and a half of Smirnoff for twenty dollars??? Sure t’would just be plain rude not to.

The only part of the States I’ve ever been to is Florida, which I knew long before I’d even got on the plane to New York would be very, VERY different. So, here are ...

Things I learned while in New York.

The subway is confusing. Apart from there being a million different lines, several of which are extremely similar in colour, some of them only stop at certain stops, or change route at the weekend, or have two different last stops. And no matter where you’re going, I found that there was more chance of you bumping into Brad Pitt strolling down Fifth Ave than of you only needing to get one line. Any journey always required a transfer. And the stupid ticket machines only give a maximum of six euro in change! Be warned! To top it off, its SWELTERINGLY hot down at those stations.

I have a very dangerous addiction ... to peanut M&Ms. There is a three storey M&Ms store in Times Square (I know, it thought it was too ridiculous to be true when I was first told about it) that sells all manner of merchandise possible; from t-shirts to mugs to giant stuffed M&M teddies, there was even M&M jewellery! You name, they sold it, with an M&M guy on the front. But best of all ... there was a giant M&M pick n mix. As in, peanut M&Ms and normal ones, and then pretzel, dark chocolate, almond, coconut, and my personal all time favourite ... peanut butter M&Ms! Let me repeat that, for maximum impact ... peanut butter M&Ms! So naturally I went about as crazy as ... well, a kid in a candy store, and spent something ridiculous like ten dollars on a bag full of all kinds of M&Ms. I had all sorts of wonderful intentions of bringing this lovely bag of chocolatey goodness home with me to share with my beloved friends and family.


There literally is a Starbucks on every corner. And they suck. I’d always thought the amount of Starbucks’ people said were over there was a slight exaggeration but nope, it’s fairly spot on. And people order the most ridiculous combinations of ‘coffee’ (vanilla flavoured caramel mocha with whipped cream and syrup) and then put about five (I am not joking) packets of sugar in it. Ok ok, I know you get that here too, but it seemed about ten times worse over there. Cute little one off coffee shops are ten times better, and most will have free magazines for you to read! Lovely. Could you imagine that here? Some little pikey in a tracksuit would leg it in off the street and rob them on you. Then you’d spot him trying to sell the round the corner.

Don’t forget about tax. You might not realise, but there is added tax on absolutely everything; however, the States often don’t include it in the advertised price, so you think you’re getting a fab bargain ... until you hit the till. A lot of places do include it now (probably because it’s so DAMN ANNOYING when you don’t), but you can still get stung out.

Similarly, don’t forget to tip. Oh jeez, they really are crazy for that. You even have to tip when you order a drink at a bar! How ridiculous is that?! You tip someone when their service has been lovely and pleasant, not when it took them all of two seconds to pour you a drink. Ah feck off outta that. You have to do it though, otherwise they'll remember you and serve you last for the rest of the night. I’m really, really against tipping, so it was a bit of a constant nag for me to always hand over extra money. You’re already getting paid ... why do I need to give you more?! And sure, working in shops is just as hard – you have to be polite and friendly and always greet every customer as they come in, and then run up a million flights of stairs to get a size for someone, order stuff in for them from other stores, clean up their mess in the changing rooms, fold stuff, hang stuff, deal with absolute wankers who insist that stuff should be cheaper or who throw a hissy when you don’t have their size ... wait, where was I going with this tangent?! Oh yeah! I should get tipped too, no fair!!!

Abercrombie frightens me. Love the stuff, can’t get enough (ha, see what I did there...) but the actual shop itself on Fifth Avenue is jee-ammers – so much so, that they actually have a queue to get in! Then there’s topless male sales assistants roaming about the place, and the hordes of giggly fourteen year olds that follow them everywhere, and the female sales girls that make you want to run away crying for wearing such scruffy jeans. It didn’t help that I was a sweaty bejaysus-ing mess. And I don’t understand why it’s so damn dark in there! You’d actually get lost if you were in any way blind. Not to worry though, the shiny abs of the naked dudes will guide you to the door.

Apart from a MAJOR slight flight mix up, and then a ridiculous delay during which we were told our plane was broken (oh great, now I cant wait to get on the next one ...), I had a fabulous time, and shall most definitely be returning.
I am off now to have a lovely weekend full of laziness and drunkeness, because I start a new job on Monday which will require me to be awake at six am.

Yes you heard me. And no, I didn't know six had an A.M either. Should be interesting ...

PS: I met some people who had a friend who's surname was ... wait for it ...




  1. khunt-minje??

    and i know how you feel about abercrombie, those stores frighten me too ... too dark, too loud, and toooo naked.. ;-)

  2. khunt-minje... as in, sounds like 'cunt' 'minge' ...?!! Too amazingly funny to not include.

  3. Oh I remember that M n M's store, I spent far, FAR too much money on those pick n mixes. Money I should have spent on shopping. Did you go to the Reece's one opposite it?! Ruined me, it did!

  4. sounds like an amazing time... love NY. subways are confusing but also very impressive. I'd love to live there and become a subway expert so I could navigate it blindfolded.

    Is that seriously someones name?! for realsies?!

  5. It would take me a long time to become a subway expert. Although I have to say, I love the numbered street system, so handy!

    Yes ... yes, it was. I know, it took me a long time to be convinced too but I was shown proof. Surely that must be a form of child abuse??

  6. I'm so jealous! I've been dying to go back to NY for ages!!

  7. WHAT! that was someones name? no-way! CRINGE! i ADORE the abercrombie shop in NY, although the sizes in there are ridiculous like - Ive never got a pair of jeans to actually fit go up past my thighs and any hoodies I got there are all like XXL, and they're tight!!!wtf? dont understand it. Am gona live in NY some day, yes, yes I am!

    Good luck with the new job!! .x.

  8. I do love that shop, but the crowds in there really were something else! Don't start me on the sizes - I don't like tight jumpers, I like my hoodies to be big so because they're such small sizes I usually end up buying a Large ... its so depressing!