Monday, November 22, 2010

Welcome to Ireland... you do know you have to pay tax on breathing our air and treading on our soil, don't you? Don't worry, it's only ninety percent....

Well.. it seems the country is properly fucked, then.

As if the lousy Budget wasn't enough to contend with, we now have the prospect of an eighty million euro bailout of debt hanging over our heads for God only knows how many years to come; which us lowly taxpayers shall be footing the bill for, no doubt. Cheers. Not to mention the fact that an awful lot of this will go to bailing out the banks, rather than on spending for the good of the country.

Things are so bad we have even made Sky News, who have temporarily abandoned repeated coverage of Will and Kate's impending marriage to provide coverage of our serious downward spiral.

What happened to, "the recession is over"? "Things are getting better"? "We'll be over this by the end of 2010, don't you worry!"

The government told us it was all getting better, when in fact it quite clearly was not. Here is a list of rather stupid things that they have done lately to waste all that lovely tax money forced out of your parents' hands every month.

1: Transport Minister Noel Dempsey (the fact that he is the transport minister is wonderfully ironic) used the government jet to fly up to Donegal. First of all, this jet costs nearly eight grand an hour to use, is capable of crossing the Atlantic and is ridiculously lavish; you do not need such an expensive jet to fly twenty minutes to Donegal. Second of all ... Dempsey made his chauffeur driven limo follow him up so that it could pick him up from the airport, take him to his meeting, and take him back to the airport. Then it drove all the way back to Dublin on its lonesome.

WHAT a waste of petrol and time and everything else. Never heard of a fucking taxi, you spanner??

2: Spending a staggeringly ridiculous forty million euro on nothing but plans for a new DART line, which, given current circumstances, will most likely never even be built.

Can I repeat that for emphasis ... forty million quid ... on drawings on pieces of paper. Lads. Come on now.

3: Proposing college fees. Baaad idea. There will be furious students who unwillingly hand over their money because they've already invested two or three years of their life in obtaining a degree, and then fuck the hell off out of this country out of sheer spite - not to mention the fact that there will be no jobs waiting for them upon graduation. Then on the other end of the scale, there will be those who have, again, spent the past few years in college, and now can't afford to pay their fees. So they will be thrown out into the real world, searching for jobs that don't exist, with unfinished degrees. Fab.

4: The fact that the Dail only work about ninety odd days of the year. Try working three hundred and something days like the rest of us plebs and then maybe we'll see better results ... yiz lazy feckers. And stop employing an entire Senate to work all the days you don't.

5: The Taoiseach earns more than the fecking president of the United States. A country with a population of four million can afford to pay its leader more than a nation with a population of over three hundred million...?

6: Free cheese.

Free cheese.

Rejoice, we are all OK again, free cheese for all! Seriously ...? wtf, like?

Basically, Brian Cowen handed over control of Ireland, and won't even let us have the option of a general election; clearly because he knows he'll be shot out of a cannon. RTE are showing about half the coverage that the BBC are showing; its been on Sky News all day. No wonder the Green Party have quit. I mean, how does an entire, long established political party just throw up their hands and pull out of everything?

And you know things are bad when one of the most widely applauded news stories is how Iceland have created tonnes of crappy supermarket jobs with crappy minimum wages that people were more than happy to let the foreigners have a couple of years ago.

For your entertainment...


  1. Aww.. didn't mean to make you sad!


  2. 'Biffo should earn more than Obama. Biffo totally deserves it. Biffo does such a good job.'

    Not a direct quote but, what I imagine he might have said when he heard that Obama bit.

    The man is an idiot.

  3. First class rantage there Karin. I'm impressed. Brian Cowen should totally read this and quake in his boots. YOU should run for government!! xxx

  4. Right lads I'm off to London!

  5. Elle: To be honest, I'd say that sounds about right..

    Aisling: HA thank you! You'll be seeing my face on an election poster near you very soon.. ;-)

    Kellebelle: God, don't tempt me...!

  6. love me some free cheese.. ;-)