Monday, February 28, 2011

In the words of the lovely Hermia... "Stealing is wrong, y'all!"

So, this is what I have resorted to... stealing my neighbour's internet.

*Fingers crossed they have no idea I have a blog...*

I was using an unsecured network for a while out of pure desperation, but then some odd things began happening, such as friends alerting me to the fact that my Hotmail account was sending out emails regarding weight loss and erectile dysfunction solutions.. not together, of course. One swift password change later and a sneaky brother who knows the neighbour's internet key and I'm back in action... minus the viagra ;-)

Sooo... here's Five Random But Fabulous Things I'm Lovin' Lately

Hairspray clip in extensions
Cannot praise them enough. My hair is an odd shade of goldeny/sandy/browny blonde that I thought would be tricky to match, but these are flawless, and because they're made from actual hair, they don't look fake or tacky. The hefty price tag put me off at first (coughseventysomethingeurocough) but you get two rows in each pack, and you can curl them and straighten them as opposed to synthetic hair. This isn't the best photo in the world - I should really to a before and after - but bear in mind my actual hair stops just below the shoulder,so the last few inches there are fake.

The Strokes' New Song
Just listen ... it speaks for itself :-)
The Strokes - Under Cover of Darkness

Vita Liberata tan
This tan is without a doubt the singularly greatest tan I have ever used, and I've used all the big ones. It honestly has everything going for it;

- There's no smell
- It dries pretty much instantly
- Instant colour, which is technically two bonus points as not only can you see exactly where its gone, but the colour is deep enough without even developing to leave the house; its like instant wash off tan.
- Goes on smoothly
- Unlike anyone who has ever used the muck that is Fake Bake, you don't darken to the point of looking like you've actually painted yourself with blackface before having to shower.
- This is the biggest brownie point; it honestly doesn't look like a really good fake tan. Some tans are considered good because they don't streak, or they don't fade too quickly, or they don;t flake off - this one is the greatest because it honestly looks like a natural tan.
I predict big things. Jump on the bandwagon now. Once again, if I had actually thought about it properly, I should have done a before and after. I will soon!

The Gym
I know, I know ... who puts the gym in a 'Fabulous Things' category?! Well, I don't mean the actual gym itself, I mean my personal progression - I have gone from five minutes of walking at level five to knocking out five kilometres in forty minutes ... which I know to the hardened runner is still not exactly marathon material, but I'm pretty proud of that; I'm no longer bowing my head in shame as the large, scowling bodybuilder types growl aggressively at their ridiculously piled up weights and then proceed to outwalk me on the treadmill as I desperately run towards what I imagine to be a big heap of free shoes...

Hangover Free Sunday Mornings
Ah I know there's nothing quite like the night before, but every now and again its nice to wake up feeling refreshed and ready to make use of the day on Sunday morning rather than curled up in the fetal position unable to even scrape off last night's make up because the smell of the chemical in your facewipes is making you dry heave... and why have you a set of false lashes on only one eye? And is that a packet of MacDonald's ketchup in your bag? Whyyy???

I had originally planned Ten Fabulous Things, but I have a presentation due for work on Wednesday that I haven't started, so I cut it short to take advantage of the reappearance of the internet (I'm sure the neighbours will cop on eventually...)

However, UPC man has promised to restore everything, so either I'll be back soon, or I'll have injured him in such ways that he'll be begging me for those erectile dysfunction solution emails...

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Your page is ... two percent loaded

I HATE my internet. I can do nothing but apologise profusely for my lack of posts, but seriously - this UPC shit is great for the auld tv chanels, but it's not having such a happy relationship with my computer. I have tried to publish a new post a few times, but all that happens is that little timer thingy (I'm sure your computer/laptop has some version of this) pops up, and times .... and times .... and just keeeeeeps going ... until I give up in total frustration. Booking my holiday apartment was a nightmare; I was petrified that every time I refreshed the page it would book it AGAIN and I would end up with a credit card bill that put me on the streets.

But I am doing my best to remain patient, and not cause the laptop any pain. Because that's how I lost the 'I' key on my last one ... and broke the left half of the space bar ... and desensitised the touch pad ... no honestly, I wish I was kidding ...

I hope this post actually posts. The UPC guy can expect an angry phone call very soon - again that is, he may remember me from the last time I phoned a few days ago complaining that the internet was somehow blocking my laptop from logging on. Cheers.

I'll be back within a few days - hopefully. And then maybe Hotmail will actually load long enough for me to delete the seventy two messages currently crowding my inbox.

FINGERS CROSSED. I'm off to take advantage of Sky Living +1.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Leaders of Tomorrow

There is something vaguely disturbing about this picture.

(L-R: Eamon Gilmore, John Gormley, Pat Kenny, Micheal Martin, Gerry Adams, Enda Kenny)

After spending two hours ripping each other to shreds, here they all stand, happy as Larry; yer wans at the end are even hugging each other.

Ha. Cut the tension with a knife.

Eamon Gilmore looks like a happy child who just surprised his mum with homemade mud chocolate cake, Gormley's delighted that his choice of tie colour made him stand out, and Micheal Martin gazes longingly at the hug at the end there, which couldn't look any more uncomfortable if they had "We Hate Each Other!" tee-shirts on with little arrows pointing at each of them.

Ahh, it was a good debate though. As much as I enjoy poking fun at everyone, I thought they all came across relatively well - except Gerry Adams. "Free health care, free education - AND we don't even need to tax anybody, or make any cuts! No one suffers!" Yeah, go play with your unicorn, Gerry.

Roll on doomsday - one week to go.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


There was some sort of crap recently about Jordan's daughter receiving some mysterious burns... I don't have the energy to think up more cutting remarks about Jordan, nor convey in words my exact feelings regarding her, so what I'm going to do instead is be extreeemely lazy, and repost a very old post about her and the kiddies... don't judge, we've all re-posted things, plus I got up at six this morning and worked a thirteen hour day, I'm headed for bed!

Won't Somebody PLEASE Think of the Children?

So on my never ending quest to find things to distract me from my college work, I ended up reading a bunch of my Nana's trashy gossip magazines (yes I'm aware of the irony, considering an earlier post, but I was desperate - its justified). Most of it was a pile of poo, and the rest was all about Jordan and Peter Andre. There was the "Poor Pete" devastated by Jordan's marriage to Alex Reid story, immediately followed by the "We're so happy to be married!" story as told by Jordan and Alex, then Pete's weekly column, then Alex's weekly column! Seriously, that's just throwing Jordan's fake hair extensions on the fire as fuel.

One of the stories mentioned that Peter Andre took his kids to one of his shows where he was gyrating with sexy half naked women, causing Jordan to freak out on the basis that this is inappropriate for two toddlers to be watching.

Yeah, cos having pictures of your giant inflatable boobs a mere google away isn’t far more traumatising for a child.


Not to mention that at four and two years of age, they were probably more preoccupied with their toes or something.

And also, this coming from the woman who wants to launch a make-up range for kids?? Considering she released pictures of her two year old daughter with straightened hair and wearing fake lashes a few weeks ago, perhaps she’s being just smidge hypocritical. She went on to say, “When Princess is 18 and goes to be a Page 3 girl, I’ll encourage her. I’ll go, ‘Yeah, get them out for the lads!”

Well then, surely watching strippers is good training for her.

Monday, February 14, 2011


Ah lads.....


I have absolutely no idea who would nominate me, and have absolutely no hopes whatsoever of winning, but honestly, as dreadfully cheesy as this is (especially on Valentines Day) it really is the thought that counts.

I got...

Best Humour Blog
(check out the section on the left for all the posts I consider to be somewhat funny...)

Best Newcomer

There are dozens and dozens (I counted at least sixty in the Newcomer category before I got bored) of faaar more established and much better bloggers than I nominated, so I am putting winning anything well out of my mind and just looking forward to a few quiet drinks... ha ;-)

For your entertainment...

To anyone having a bad day, feeling like you're not good enough, doing things badly, or just generally being stupid... watch this, and feel your IQ instantly increase by about fifty points. It'll make you feel so much better about yourself, trust me.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Anyone smell raw meat? Or burning boob...?

Everyone is talking about Lady Gaga's hotly anticipated new song, Born This Way. My facebook homepage was flooded with people posting it, and every radio station has it on a freakin loop.

I'm not mad on it, to be honest. In fact - dare I say it - I'm a bit sick of her. She's just too much of a bleedin nutjob. Like, at this point she's just being crazy and outrageous for the sake of it.

Anyone remember her early outfits? They were definitely 'out there', if you will, but they were sexy, and she looked good. People took notice and complimented her for being different and original.

However, somewhere along the lines her outfits - and whole personality in general, really - just got whackier and whackier; I think her meat dress was where I lost the plot. Here are some of her more ridiculous outfits...

"Do you smell burning...?"

Good luck sitting down in this one...

Lady ... Gimp-ga?

Dear GOD. I am traumatised... thank you for ruining one of my favourite childhood tv characters...

There's where my Granny's tablecloth went... I'm not feeling this two headed veil thing, and she seems to be channeling a Vegas bride...

Cross eyed transvestite clown, anyone??

Again, awkward to sit in... you'd hate to be the poor dude stuck behind that hat... "What's going on? I can't see anything!"

Lads, like I don't even know if that is Lady Gaga. Could be a body double she tied up with tinfoil and a fishing net while she sits at home blowing bubbles or something..

Jesus christ almighty. Chess piece gone wrong. I do not get it at all. Is there even anything to get? Is there any point to it, other than to grab media space?

Like the Christmas tree fairy gone horribly horribly wrong.

Of course, I had to put it in. She claims she was supporting animal rights, but I don't see how wearing dead animals is supportive of their right to live... somehow if she'd turned up wearing dead human flesh under the protest that she's supporting human rights it wouldn't have gone down quite so well...

I'll leave you with one of her more 'interesting' statements...

"I don't know if this is too much for your magazine, but I can actually mentally give myself an orgasm..."

Saturday, February 12, 2011

With Love From...

Luuuurve Day is just around the corner, and while I personally feel that it is an utterly made up holiday and I dislike spending copious amounts of money (especially as its so soon after Christmas, and my boyfriend's birthday is less than a month after) something small to acknowledge the day is always nice.

Soooo, here are a few possibilities that won't break the bank.

Takeaway Night in and a Movie
An oldie, but a goodie. Pick your favourite Chinese/Indian/Pizza/Whatever and grab a dvd. Seriously like, you just can't beat it.


Homemade Dinner
Cheap and easy, now would be a good time to test one of Jamie Oliver's thirty minute meals, and see if you can do it in an hour (thirty minutes my ass Jamie, does he pre slice and dice everything??)

Ahh bless... nothing like a big batch of chocolate brownies... :-)  If you're a baking mad woman, try making cupcakes, cookies, rocky road - a little bit of everything, and put it all in a nice box. You know what, forget your boyfriend, someone do that for me please... ;-)

Photo Collage
It doesn't neccessarily even have to be a pink and sparkly homage to the two of you; a few photos of him and his mates won't go amiss. Lads aren't the greatest with taking/putting up photos, so here's your chance to get rid of some unwanted posters and stick this up instead.

No, not one-for-all, homemade ones. From "I Owe You ... a home cooked meal" to "I Owe You ... breakfast in bed", to ... ehh... well, this is where you get 'creative'... ;-)

No one doesn't like a big bag of sweets. This is one of my favourites; very quick and easy. Go to the sweet factory and fill a bag with only the red or pink sweets! Some things, like strawberry bonbons, are grand, but its a lot harder to pick out only pink smarties or jelly babies. The sweet lady was watching me like a hawk...

So there you go; all fairly standard ideas, but if you're like me, its really more the thought that counts on Valentine's Day. If all else fails, feel totally free to go out and get drunk with the girls instead... ;-)

Monday, February 7, 2011

Chocolate prevents heart disease... and unhappiness...

Here, friends, is my dilema.

About a month ago, just as I though the house was clear of all gluttonous Christmas indulgences, I arrived home - from the gym, no less - to discover a large selection box on my bed, courtesy of my mother. "I'd forgotten I even had it!" she says.

The following week, she made an excellent banoffi cake. "But bananas are good for you ..." I reasoned through mouthfuls.

The following week, she made biscuit squares. "But I cut them into much smaller pieces, so its just a little treat!" Mistake. I ate three times as many, because they were so small.

And yesterday, she unveiled a magnificent toblerone cheesecake.
Let me repeat that. Toblerone cheesecake.
"But ... but, cheese is good for you too ... right ..." I again reasoned. And sure isn't there dairy in chocolate? And biscuits, why biscuits provides fiber ... yeah ...

And yet if I were to complain that she was trying to fatten me up, and she proceeded to stop making nice things, I'd then complain that our house is starved of any chocolatey treats. Loose-loose situation, really.

Lads. I'm off to the gym. Just as long as I don't come home and have another piece of cheesecake as a 'reward' for all my hard work...

Pictures are not actual pictures of my mother's baking skills... due to the fact that I ATE EVERYTHING before photographs could be taken..

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Don't be hatin' now...

Now this is something I would pay good money to see.

Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan have been offered half a million dollars a piece to fight each other in a boxing match!

Nope ... I am NOT joking. This is a legit offer. The Hollywood Boxing Federation are behind this idea, claiming that they would donate and proceeds to charity; ironically, a drug rehabilitation centre. Oh, the deliciousness of it. Apparently they would only be required to fight three one minute rounds - three minutes of dodging each others razor sharp talons for half a million quid? I'd do it.

Supposedly, the pair are friends again ... so this would be a 'friendly' match, of course, with no intent to cause harm on either side.

Yeah. Sure.
Handbags at dawn, ladies.