Saturday, April 16, 2011

A chick named Karin

Laptop is still being uncooperative, so I miraculously managed to put this post together on my phone; despite the fact that it is a mere few lines, it still took about twenty minutes for various pages to load.


Anyway, the lovely Hermia of A Chick Named Hermia asked me and several fellow bloggers to step in and guest post while she's busy moving house (lucky!).

Sooo here is my guest post :-)

Monday, April 11, 2011

Missing: One Operating System. If found, please return to the girl rocking back and forth in a dark corner gently stroking her laptop...

So basically, I woke up a few days ago, and my laptop had abandoned me. I went to turn it on, and it did nothing but tell me the 'Operating System could not be found'.

Well. Where did it go???

So after talking myself out of flinging it out the window in the vague hope that inanimate objects could feel extreme pain, off I went to Harvey Norman bright and early on Saturday morning, fully expecting them to be able to find said missing operating system.

HA. As though life would be that kind. First of all, the technician only works Monday to Friday. Not to mention that his weekend trainee was out sick. Then there was the fact that he's very backed up, and probably wouldn't be able to look at it for a while. And the final kick in the (metaphoric) balls?

"We might have to wipe everything. Is that ok?"

I know what you're thinking: but obviously you back up all your shit Karin, right?

Well, you can just feck off with your thoughts.

So long story short, I might be a bit absent from the blogging world for a while. I rang them earlier to check on it's progress, and after listening to Harvey Norman's ad on a constant loop for about twenty minutes (WHO thought that would be good hold music?? That was easily the worst part of the whole situation) I was finally told Sony were coming to pick it up tomorrow.

On the positive site, I am learning to appreciate the finer things in life. How blue the sky is, how pretty the birds are ... how entertaining boxsets can be for killing time.

See yiz in a few.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

I'm bi-winning!

Ahh, Charlie Sheen. The baby faced star of platoon seems to have finally taken his Charlie Harper persona too far; its almost difficult watching his comedic drunken sexploits on 'Two and a Half Men' when you know that you're just basically watching his actual life deteriorate before your eyes. Its makes for some uncomfortable viewing that you almost want to not watch ... almost. His rambling meltdowns have kept us glued to Twitter; I joined purely to follow him. As long as you have no form of conscience, it is perfectly acceptable to regard him as a hero, simply for his entertainment value. From two very public divorces - both of which involved Denise Richards and Brooke Mueller citing abuse and alcoholism as reasons - to his ridiculous rants about having "tiger blood" pumping through his body, to moving in with his girlfriend and his favourite porn star and claiming everyone gets along splendidly. Not to mention the fact that he thought asking for double his paycheck for 'Two and a Half Men' was perfectly acceptable - what, over a million per episode wasn't enough? Obviously not, as he is a "rock star from Mars"; evidently they earn more than your average mortal rock star.

He recently burst onto the stage of Jimmy Kimmel's show during an interview with Mark Cuban, threw t-shirts at the crowd depicting various Sheen quotes, such as the infamous "I'm bi-winning!", planted a kiss on Kimmel's lips, and fled.

Now, he has decided to kick of a month long tour of twenty different cities for a live performance, the first of which kicked off last night. A lot of the shows sold out within minutes, despite the fact that no one really knew what exactly this would be a live performance of. Here's his press release statement, just to enlighten everybody:

“I am bringing ‘My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option’ show out to you in the battlefield,” Sheen said in a video announcing the tour. “If you’re winning, I’ll see you there. Trolls need not apply. . . . Buy your ticket. Take the ride. And the ride will take you.”

Sounds... interesting...?

If reviews of his first show last night are anything to go by, many fans regret 'letting the ride take them'. Apparently, it was just "a bunch of ranting" according to one fan, who "expected him to at least entertain a little bit". Lads, come on now. His one liners are entertaining, but you can't build a one and a half hour show on that. What you can do, however, is list some of his best ones in a neat order on a blog...

"I am on a drug. Its called Charlie Sheen. Its not available yet because if you try it, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."
(Remind me to stick the the auld Panadol...)

"If you borrowed my brain for five minutes you'd be like, 'Dude! Can't handle it, unplug this bastard!' It fires in a way that's maybe not from this, uhh... terrestrial realm."
(Is that because our minds would be overrun by porn??)

"I'm not bi-polar, I'm bi-winning. I win here, and I win there."
(A classic gem of wisdom)

"I'm tired of pretending I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars."
(We could all learn a thing or two about the beauty of modesty from Charlie - he is a shining beacon of it)

"I'm not fair game, I'm not a soft target. It's over. There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins."
(Well, ehh... make of that one what you will...)

"I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I've got tiger blood, man!"
(I don't want to know what crimes you committed to get tiger blood into your veins, Charlie...)

"It was written for normal people, people who aren't special. People who don't have tiger blood running through their veins - you know, Adonis DNA."
(Ah god love us mere mortals, eh? Life is tough being so un-special)

(Talking about prostitutes who've sold their story on him) "Yeah, and where are they now? Under a bridge, that's where."
(At least they're not under a pile of their own vomit)

"Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber."
(I can't do anything with this, it makes so little sense. Its like someone gave a five year old child some blocks with random words written on them and asked him to put them next to each other)

Honestly, I could go on, almost everything that comes out of his mouth these days is a spectacular one liner. The question is, however... do you think he genuinely has had some sort of mental breakdown and desperately needs help, or is he absolutely milking it for all its worth?