Tuesday, June 28, 2011

"Hello you!" "Ah, hello me!"

I think I'm going crazy. I have been alone in the house for a grand total of two days (rents on holidays and brother also away until tomorrow) and I am having full blown conversations with myself. I'm not kidding aorund here, like I'm having the full on chats. With myself.

Ehh, am I delusional?!

I was discussing with Me earlier whether to bother cooking dinner or not or just make a sandwich. We came to the conclusion that a sandwich would be better, as we weren't actually that hungry. Then we couldn't agree on ham or chicken.

Then I argued with myself over what film to watch; I was thinking Harry Potter number seven, in  anticipation for the last one, but Myself was thinking Walk the Line, because I'd watched a clip of it on Youtube earlier and was really in the mood for it.

And it wasn't even conversations - I started just narrating everything I was doing out loud!

"Where's my make up bag? Let's have a look ... no, not in the drawer ... oh, I think I left it in the car! I'll go and check ... yeah there it is. I might make a cuppa now. Are there any biscuits?"

Guys... this can't be good. I think I have discovered that I could never live alone - I'd end up being one of those crazy auld ones who talks to her cats and actually believes on some level that they might just understand her...

Monday, June 20, 2011

Summah summah summah time!

This is an unashamed rant!

Well. It's the 20th of June. Its summer. All the kids are on their holliers.

And. Its. RAINING.

For fuck sake Ireland, can ye not cut us poor people who stayed here to weather out the storm (no pun intended..) a bitta slack?? I want my promised heatwave, you weather bastards, not continuous facebook updates from those who fecked off to australia and the likes about how its ONLY twenty five degrees there today; my god you better crack out the hats and scarves lads lest you all freeze to death in such miserable weather.

And to top it off, weather experts have predicted that we will end up with an Arctic winter this year (how they can they incorrectly predict the weather for tomorrow and yet still have the balls to tell us what several months away is going to be like is beyond me...)

Well. That's just great. As if several feet of snow trapping me in my house last year wasn't 'arctic' enough no?? What else can we possibly get - polar bears wandering the streets?? "Ah lads look there's a polar bear - sure now it feels like the arctic!"

And the fact that its gloriously sunny when I wake up is just plain cruelty. Off I trot to my car, gleefully throwing my umbrella back in the house and abandoning my Uggs. I roll the window down and zoom happily along, eagerly imagining lunch outside on the grass with my sunglasses on.

But NO. Oh no, because by about half eleven, its like the sun was just never there. Well, cheers for that cruel little teaser. Its like the final Harry Potter trailer - totally amazing for about two and a half minutes, then it ends and leaves you wanting more. At least we'll get that on July 15th - I have my doubts that the sun will also show up by then... prove me wrong you shiny ball of crap!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

"Don't Shoot!"

I'm almost ashamed, but this is the most fun I've had all day today... no screw it, its awesome, nothing to be embarrassed about! Try "smokes with"... gave me such giggles.

Monday, June 13, 2011

One Thing Lead to Another, Which Lead to Another, and Another...

I am sick. Not death bed-ly sick or anything, just the kind where you feel like bleughhh... if that's a word. So I'm in bed with a cup of tea and despite the fact that its only lunch time, I am already bored of daytime TV. So I have taken to random Googling; you know, where you go to look up one thing, and end up unleashing a chain of connected Googling and suddnely find yourself reading up about the origins of Hitler's favourite pet dog when all you Googled was how to make brownies...

Four Random Things I Learned Before Lunch Time Today.


Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas was the voice of Charlie Brown's sister, Sally. How totally random is that?! For your entertainment purposes, here is a short but amusing spoof take...

How I found this... I was watching another documentary about the royal wedding, and they mentioned that Sarah Ferguson had been banned. I googled why, stumbled across the other Fergie, which led to this bizzare nugget of info.


You can buy a pink gun. No, seriously. Ever felt that guns were too violent for your delicate womanly ways? Well, now you can buy them in pink flowery patterns. Which of course makes them far less violent and much more dainty. Who could ever imprison a woman for shooting someone when 'Evidence B' produced in the trial is this cute, pink handgun??

How I found this... believe it or not, I was actually Googling breast cancer, which led to things that you can buy in pink to contirbute to charity... think I'll stick with the traditional pink ribbon.

Mowgli actually doesn't live happily ever after with the pretty girl fetching water... instead, the human village rejects him when he tries to return and as revenge he sends his elephant mates in to trample the lot of them to the ground. Hmm. Disney must be saving that bit for the sequel. Basically, in Rudyard Kipling's original book - which the Disney version is based on - Mowglai cautiously tries to re-enter the human world, but the villagers are afraid of him and send him away. Only one family accept him, and for that they are outcast and the villagers try to kill them. So, Mowglai returns to the jungle and rallies up his animal friends and they go and destroy the entire village and kill everyone. Delightful stuff altogether.

How I found this ... I was Googling info on the next Harry Potter film, started reading up about Daniel Radcliffe, which led to the film he was in called 'My Boy Jack' which is based on the Kipling family, which lead to me reading about the original Jungle Book story. To be honest, I kinda wish I hadn't ... hard to watch it now and picture the jolly old herd of elephants visciously trampling people to death...

Johnny Cash very nearly killed off a whole species of bird. Bet you never saw that one coming. He was driving through a Nature Reserve in California, and his truck caught fire. Instead of - I dunno, trying to put the fire out? - he left it there and wandered off to go fishing until someone found him. Meanwhile, his truck burned down dozens of acres of forest land and killed nearly fifty Californian Condors, which was actually about half of all that was left in the wild. The numbers dwindled to less than twenty, and only through seriously committed captive breeding programmes within the last twenty years were they able to get the population up to about three hundred, only about a third of which are in the wild. Sing a song about that one, Cash...
"I fell in to a burning ring of fire..."

How I found this ... seriously, god only knows.                                  

Sunday, June 12, 2011

I saw your face.... now I'm a Belieber!

I was reading a little article recently about Justin Bieber's Grammy loss to Espereanza Spalding (yes I'm aware that was a while ago - I've been sick recently and doing nothing but read endless stacks of old magazines...) and I have to say, I knew 'Beliebers' were hardcore, but some of the Tweets about Esperanza were harsh. Here's a few of the nice ones...

"you have a 3D movie? do 86 concerts? sell out MSG in 22 minutes? have 7mil followers? no? uh..why da f**k you win a grammy?"

"hey @espespalding congrats on winning best unknown artist!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u def deserved that one"

"So, @EspeSpalding just won with less than 10,000 followers on twitter. LOL. Sorry, I must have accidently turned my t.v to Punk'd"

"omg @justinbieber its ok im here for u my poor baby u will be ok we'll get epsernsa dont worry!! ;-( "

And its not just the Grammys... oh no, crazed Bieber fans Tweet about freakin everything he does, like the time he OHMYGOD cut his gorgeous lucious locks of hair off omg omg!!! It should be easier to manage now though, he'll only have to shampoo it once and then just rinse with the tears of a million broken hearted girls... 

"i wanna do a Polyjuice potion with @justinbieber 's harir and make my boyfriend drink it"

"I love @justinbieber more than anyone ever. Seriously without his eyes without his smile without his hair without him i will just die. Seriously."

"i;m crying so much that justin bieber's hair is .. gone. i HATE that selena tramp she's changed him so much from the boy i love :-( "

And don't start me on his relationship with Selena Gomez... omg that tramp!! I seriously hope I never have children like these girls...

"I love Justin to death but their relationship is as if Selena is a pedophile….she needs to find someoe her own age…. she techically is a legal adult….."

"@selenagomez dont touch @justinbieber you are a bitch i kill you selena you always with famous boys you are a bitch"

"i guessed what realy happened selena gomez is a witch and she put @justinbieber under a spell and i will pray and pray that he breaks free from it and remembers he in love with me just hasnt foound me yet"

Ha that last one made me giggle... ;-)

Thursday, June 9, 2011

One, two, three... GO!

Guys... I can do nothing only apologise, a month of nothing-ness is shocking behavious altogether. I've just had a bit of a tough time regarding my now ex boyfriend and havn't felt much like posting to be honest.

BUT... I fully intend on getting back into the swing of things, sooo without further ado, here it goes...

So, another bank holiday rolled around recently, and instead of doing what everyone else no doubt did and spend friday, saturday, AND sunday (oh the novelty..) getting trollied (extra trollied on sunday, just cos we can like..), I instead ran my poor little legs into the ground and did the mini marathon on Monday. Now, as a girl who's favourite things in life include my bed, my slippers, a cup of tea, and my bed again, running 10km (six miles to those of you not with the auld metric system) was not a walk in the park. My usual gym routine includes a 5km run, which I was used to doing in just under half an hour, so logically I figured I'd be able to knock out 10km in an hour at most.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Here are some life lessons:
- Just because you can run five kilometres, does not mean you can double it.
- Running on a treadmill is very different to running on actual ground, and is in fact a lot easier.
- Treadmills generally do not include very steep hills.
- Nor do they rain on you.

As it was my first year doing the mini marathon, I grossly underanticipated the amount of people that would show up. Myself and my friends registered as joggers rather than runners, so we should have been allowed to go after the runners had started, with all of those who registered as walkers behind us. This is done to allow those who want to run/jog the space to do it, while everyone else ambles along stopping for picnics halfway (no joke..)

However, the barrier to the Joggers start line was closed off after only half of them were allowed to start, meaning the rest of us were stuck halfway down the MASSES of walkers. Disaster! I honestly had to walk the first two and a half to three kilomoetres purely because there simply wasn't room to run. You were dodging in and out of people and stopping/starting/stopping all the time - it was so irritating, and I was so angry as this definitely impacted my finishing time.

Which was, in the end, and hour and twenty minutes. So I have decided that I can definitely shave off twenty minutes next year and do it in an hour if I get myself to the front this time!

Oh and another life lesson... you won't believe the amount of people stopping into Starbucks along the way. Seriously, how are you planning to run with a hot cup of coffee in your hands...??

PS: you have got to check out Google today, its definitely one of their best homepages ever!