Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Here is a list...

... of people who should not be allowed to operate a vehicle. Complete with examples!

1 - The elderly.
I don't care if this falls under the ageist category, once you start keeping Werther's in your glove box, you need to re take your driving test. I was driving down the coast road in Clontarf the other day, and an elderly couple were driving towards me on the wrong side of the road. I am not joking - we swerved into the bus lane beside to avoid a head on collision. I also witnessed another auld granny do an illegal u turn facing the wrong way in a bus lane. There's multiple things wrong with that one. Not to mention that the majority of them drive at least 10km under the usually already too low speed limit. Why...? Only they know.

2 - People who do not understand the concept of 'the fast lane'.
The right hand lane on dual carriage ways and motorways is the over taking lane - otherwise known as the fast lane to most. I know there's a speed limit, but in all honesty anyone who drives in this lane doesn't stick to it. And on their own head be it, but you gotta move over to the middle lane if you're doing the limit - its just the unwritten rule. The worst case of this I have experienced thus far is a car doing 80km in the far right lane of the motorway - the motorway being a hundred, if you don't know. As Beyonce would say, to the left, to the left, please!

2a - People who hog the fast lane.
In a smiliar way, people who are in the middle lane and overtake a car - thus moving into the right lane - and then stay at roughly the same speed as the car they are over taking, or who only crawl past inch by inch. Lads come on now, just hit the pedal for a second or two and you'll be past them and can move back and allow those of us willing to speed to get on with it. The guards aren't going to pull you over for going a mile or two over the limit, sure they'd be speeding so fast themselves they wouldn't even notice you.

3 - People who cannot correctly use a two lane roundabout.
*Deep, calming breath...* Alright now people. It really is not that hard. If you are going all the way around, you go on the inside lane. If you're taking an exit before the last, you're on the outside. You do not go all the way around the roundabout in the outside lane. Why? Well, basic spatial awareness will show that you will crash into anyone on the inside lane who is also exiting. I was going around a large roundabout coming off the motorway, and was taking the third exit, the fourth being the one I was coming from. Two ice cream trucks (totally bizzare...) were coming from the exit before me in the outside lane, so I let them pass and then drove on. We both passed my first exit, then my second, which is where they should have left... then I went to the third exit, and they both feckin cut in front of me and went back around the roundabout! This is how people crash and die, come on now!

4 - Tractors.
Tractors were designed for fields. Cars for roads. At least drive in the goddam bus lane when you can, ye feckin potato munchers...

5 - Cyclists
Ah, cyclists... the bane of my existance. Now look, I have friends that cycle and mostly they're grand, but there are an awful lot of shite bag cyclists out there. I hate cyclists that insist on using the road when there is a perfectly good cycle track right beside them - a lot of money has been spent on creating these, use them, they were made for you. The road was made for me. And considering a lot of cyclists complain about not being treated like "proper road users", they seem to break a lot of red lights. I can't do that so you can just feckin sit there aswell, ya bollix. One-way streets also do not seem to apply to them, and I have seen plenty on their phones. Don't even start me on the ones that cycle two abreast! I certainly wouldn't roll up beside my mate and have a chat through the open windows while driving along!

I'm not going to sit here and pretend I'm a saint of a driver - the scratches on my mother's car door and a burst tyre would certainly tell you otherwise. But hey, we're all entitled to a rant, especially those of us who drive for a living and spend nine hours a day dealing with this crap.

And, I don't think even I could handle this bad boy.... you win at life if you can work out what lane to use.


  1. Ha, I wish I'd been out! Next time.. ;-) x

  2. vic where did your comment go?! I look like I'm talking to myself now!

  3. or people who don't use their indicators or speed up when you try to pass them out!!
    Lady Peach

  4. So many reasons for me to continue not to drive :D

  5. ARGH the indicator thing bothers me aswell, especially on roundabouts - if you had indicated that you were exiting, I could have gone!

    And Hermia noooo, don't let it put you off, I love driving! Such freed

  6. "Not using your indicators because no cunt needs to know your business!"

    I freakin' own the roundabout, it always surprises me how people can't understand them. I think I could even take on that picture and come out alive! :P

  7. This is why I'm glad I don't have to drive in London! x

  8. yeah im with lady p.....hate when i try to pass someone out and they speed up then i cant overtake and im left red faced!! agree with the tractors too...feckin wreckheads....driving 1 mile an hour and waving to everyone as they pass like the feckin know everyone! GAAAAH!

  9. "waving to everyone as they pass like the feckin know everyone!"

    Haha! Love it :-)